you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
