Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
