i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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