Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
