that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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