She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
