Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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