i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize