I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
