Capitaan dildo arrescate!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
