His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
