they said they heard you say put it in my butt
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
