Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
