whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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