how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
