I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
