You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
