I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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