I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
