Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
areolas are like halos for boobs.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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