U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
