What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
