Who did Billy Mays play for?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
