if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize