dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
