He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
