What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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