I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
