You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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