I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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