My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
