her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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