im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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