I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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