I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
