I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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