I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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