youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ketchup is God's man juice
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
