My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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