you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
