Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You can't special order awesome
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
