At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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