we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
