when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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