Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
