i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
