Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
