All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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