I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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