drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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