my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
