Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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