May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
