What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
