i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
