Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize