Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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