tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
