My hand turned me down
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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