Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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