First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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