Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize