I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
