going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
