Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
