I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
