i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
