Kiss
Puke
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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