This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
