and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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