when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
