Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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