He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize