i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
