You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm at about main and main street
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
