dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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