I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
