If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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