I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
