how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't deserve a penis
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
