My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He felt like a one man threesome
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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